In May I left my job for various reasons, but mostly to focus on my graduate studies, which are going extremely well! Then, in late June I found out that I was pregnant. What a great feeling that was! Seemingly immediately after we found out about the baby, complications started. I began to pray and pray, praying away the complications. The problem was, I hadn't been praying in months. I hadn't been to church in months. I had turned my eyes and ears away from the Lord...for much too long. I am not suggesting that HE didn't hear me, only that he had other plans for me.
Three weeks later, I miscarried. Which was mentally and physically a very painful experience! One that I hope to never have to experience again. An experience which broke my spirit in ways unimaginable. That coupled with not having a job to take my mind off things, or my own cash to shop my way out of misery...thinking about how I'd planned a December wedding that will never happen and got a dress that I don't know when if ever I'll get to wear...created extreme rage, anger, pain and tears as big as the red sea. I couldn't stand to look at myself, listen to myself think more less speak with out beating myself up about all the things that seemed so wrong.
I'd like the say thank you to my new hubby, life partner and friend, Mychal for being here with a level head to see me through the foolishness and pain. For becoming more understand than he thought he could and growing in ways he initially resisted. You've been a wonderful voice of reason and wholly supportive mate. Thank you, thank you...I love you. ;)
Last Sunday, was my first back in Church. It was as if Pastor Lomax wrote the day's message with me in mind...speaking to me directly! I of course, shed more tears, hearing some of the same things that my Mom, Grandmom, Sister and Mychal had said days or weeks before. The only difference, he had scriptures for me to refer to, his delivery wasn't accusatory, his tone as even and this time...my heart and ears were open. After church, I knew I needed a game plan. Just like I'd developed a plan for finding new employment. I needed a game plan for finding my inner peace. I'm happy to report, I now have an inner peace plan..one that I will alter as needed to keep my emotions in check and my heart focused on God.
On Monday, I got an email about a job. Tuesday, I went for an interview. Next Monday...I start work! Yay!! God is so good when you focus on Him. I have more faith than ever that he will continue to work within me to make me a better me. I can expect nothing short of extraordinary greatness from Him! I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!!!
Now, I know this should have been my first post considering the first says that I won't be going backward, but this is something I needed to get off my heart and share with you all. For those of you who haven't talked to me...I won't be talking about it. I've moved on. This is your opportunity to find out what's been going on and how far I've come since then. Please no, I'm sorries. Be happy for me...I am!
Thanks for reading, for caring and loving me!
Peace ~ Mia
3 comments:
Hello Mia,
I am Elton Alexander Angie's fiance. Let me first say you look just like your mother.Your testimony of when I have done all I can do turn it over to God is the definition of true faith!!! After the tragic loss of my wife in a car accident faith sustained me as getting through seemed unbearable. I have always heard what does not kill you will make u stronger, until then I didn't believe it. It brought me back to faith as I had wondered away. It made me look inside not backwards and become the man I am today! God made me a better man through tragedy.I asked God to give me a second chance at love, I dated but didn't seem to connect, far too many 4am or it doesn't matter was the answer to your respectable hour question. Then I met Angie. Intially we talked on the phone for hours since she was out of town ,after we first met. I felt a connection with her that was the answer to my prayers. We intilally schedule a date for Saturday as she returned Friday but I didn't want to wait to meet this incredible woman who I suddenly felt a connection with. I asked her to go out Friday and Saturday. On Friday seeing the beautiful spirit I connected with was more important than her stunning outer beauty. I knew she was the answer to my prayers as her warm, caring, compassionate heart was a gift from God. I fell in love with her then and love her more today than ever! Loving her has brought me the inner peace we all desire. Stay strong keep looking forward as this too shall pass. Hopefully Angie and I will see you and your husband in the near future as Atlanta is not that far away . You can reply To Eltonalexander24@gmail.com
James writes: "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." James 1:2-4.
Thank you for sharing your testimony of trials, testing and TRIUMPS with the world. You are truly blessed to know and have a relationship with God. Many don't know who to turn to when the winds blow and the storm rages. Your TESTimony is powerful. I'm so happy for you. And I pray you more and more and more VICTORIES! xoxoxo
Mia, the understanding that you have shown in these posts is amazing. God has to be up to something in you because He is not wasting any time refining you through the tests and trials of life. Count it all joy! I'm excited for your new beginnings and thanks for letting me in on your thoughts.
Peace
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