In May I left my job for various reasons, but mostly to focus on my graduate studies, which are going extremely well! Then, in late June I found out that I was pregnant. What a great feeling that was! Seemingly immediately after we found out about the baby, complications started. I began to pray and pray, praying away the complications. The problem was, I hadn't been praying in months. I hadn't been to church in months. I had turned my eyes and ears away from the Lord...for much too long. I am not suggesting that HE didn't hear me, only that he had other plans for me.
Three weeks later, I miscarried. Which was mentally and physically a very painful experience! One that I hope to never have to experience again. An experience which broke my spirit in ways unimaginable. That coupled with not having a job to take my mind off things, or my own cash to shop my way out of misery...thinking about how I'd planned a December wedding that will never happen and got a dress that I don't know when if ever I'll get to wear...created extreme rage, anger, pain and tears as big as the red sea. I couldn't stand to look at myself, listen to myself think more less speak with out beating myself up about all the things that seemed so wrong.
I'd like the say thank you to my new hubby, life partner and friend, Mychal for being here with a level head to see me through the foolishness and pain. For becoming more understand than he thought he could and growing in ways he initially resisted. You've been a wonderful voice of reason and wholly supportive mate. Thank you, thank you...I love you. ;)
Last Sunday, was my first back in Church. It was as if Pastor Lomax wrote the day's message with me in mind...speaking to me directly! I of course, shed more tears, hearing some of the same things that my Mom, Grandmom, Sister and Mychal had said days or weeks before. The only difference, he had scriptures for me to refer to, his delivery wasn't accusatory, his tone as even and this time...my heart and ears were open. After church, I knew I needed a game plan. Just like I'd developed a plan for finding new employment. I needed a game plan for finding my inner peace. I'm happy to report, I now have an inner peace plan..one that I will alter as needed to keep my emotions in check and my heart focused on God.
On Monday, I got an email about a job. Tuesday, I went for an interview. Next Monday...I start work! Yay!! God is so good when you focus on Him. I have more faith than ever that he will continue to work within me to make me a better me. I can expect nothing short of extraordinary greatness from Him! I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!!!
Now, I know this should have been my first post considering the first says that I won't be going backward, but this is something I needed to get off my heart and share with you all. For those of you who haven't talked to me...I won't be talking about it. I've moved on. This is your opportunity to find out what's been going on and how far I've come since then. Please no, I'm sorries. Be happy for me...I am!
Thanks for reading, for caring and loving me!
Peace ~ Mia
